I've miscarried again. I've spent most of the last week curled up in a blanket alternating between crying, drinking and distractions. I won't claim it's the healthiest response imaginable, but I can imagine worse right now.
We found out early. We had an ultrasound, we saw a heart beat. I begged for another one. They scheduled it, but refused to move it up. I started bleeding. I kept bleeding. We went to the ultrasound, no heartbeat. I chose to refuse the D&C in favor of expectant management. I stopped taking the progesterone and within a few days the bleeding and cramping got heavier and my body miscarried naturally, although it's hard to imagine calling the process natural.
There are steps we can take. Testing, specialists, or we can forget this dream and move on. Now isn't the time to make those decisions.
I just need 2011 to end.