Thursday, April 5, 2012

Day 3: Cabin Fever or u/s anxiety?

It's day 3 (really day 3.5) of nearly complete bed rest (except showers and eating sitting at the table). Despite the best the iPad has to offer, completing my grief blanket, netflix, hulu plus, and long spells of staring at the ceiling, I'm starting to go just a little bit wonky.  I'm not entirely sure if it's really the 3 plus days in bed or if it's tomorrow appointment that has me so incredibly antsy at the moment.

The doctor said we should see a heartbeat tomorrow.  But I'm worried.  I'm worried we won't.  Ironically, I'm not particularly worried it will be because there is a problem, I'm worried it will just be to soon.  It's a subtle difference, but one that surprises me.  I haven't even spent too much time figuring out exactly how far along I am/should be (Full disclosure: I have spent some time, but not the amount of time I would have expected given my plethora of free time at the moment.)  Maybe it's just a protection mechanism, I'm not sure.

I've also spent a a decent amount of time stalking on line the last few days.  There are several bloggers I follow who are also cautiously wading through the first weeks of pregnancy.  I just wish there was some way to ensure that this time was going to be different for all of us.

Right now I'm doing my best to take a deep breath whenever I notice my pulse is up and focus on the positive and the present.  Even tomorrow is too far ahead for me to think about too much just now.

5 comments:

  1. Hang in there! As I have heard other people say, only one more sleep! I will be thinking about you tomorrow and keeping you and your little one in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh the cabin fever must be hitting hard. I love being home, but would go so crazy if I had to stay mainly on bed rest. I know what you mean about wondering if the heartbeat will be just too early to detect, or not there at all. I am in that exact spot! I'll be thinking lots of you and can't wait to hear the news tomorrow (positive thoughts, positive thoughts).

    ReplyDelete
  3. P.S. How far along are you?

    ReplyDelete
  4. 6 weeks. Or 6 weeks 4 days. Or 6 weeks 6 days.

    Ironically, I have all kinds of specific information and I'm still not sure.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good luck today. I hope it's not too early and you can see the h/b. Sending you tons of good vibes.

    ReplyDelete