It's day 3 (really day 3.5) of nearly complete bed rest (except showers and eating sitting at the table). Despite the best the iPad has to offer, completing my grief blanket, netflix, hulu plus, and long spells of staring at the ceiling, I'm starting to go just a little bit wonky. I'm not entirely sure if it's really the 3 plus days in bed or if it's tomorrow appointment that has me so incredibly antsy at the moment.
The doctor said we should see a heartbeat tomorrow. But I'm worried. I'm worried we won't. Ironically, I'm not particularly worried it will be because there is a problem, I'm worried it will just be to soon. It's a subtle difference, but one that surprises me. I haven't even spent too much time figuring out exactly how far along I am/should be (Full disclosure: I have spent some time, but not the amount of time I would have expected given my plethora of free time at the moment.) Maybe it's just a protection mechanism, I'm not sure.
I've also spent a a decent amount of time stalking on line the last few days. There are several bloggers I follow who are also cautiously wading through the first weeks of pregnancy. I just wish there was some way to ensure that this time was going to be different for all of us.
Right now I'm doing my best to take a deep breath whenever I notice my pulse is up and focus on the positive and the present. Even tomorrow is too far ahead for me to think about too much just now.