Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Don't Ignore the fringes (NIAW)

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week.  Participating in ICLW, I've read tons of great entries, and I decided it was time for one of my own.


Don't Ignore the Fringes (Me).

I'm not conventionally 'infertile.'  I'm a habitual aborter, a multipe miscarrier, a four time failure.  I'm the fringes because many people, including some OB's and RE's don't consider me infertile.  In fact, I'm pretty damn fertile achieving pregnancy, but I can't maintain a pregnancy.

Resolve defines Infertility as two or more consecutive miscarriages. So while I have a definition to belong, I think it's sometimes easier to ignore those of us who don't fit well into the conventional idea of infertility.  I immediately cancelled a cycle with my first RE when she quipped at the end of an appointment "We'll have you pregnant in no time!"

While getting pregnant isn't our problem, we still haven't been able to successfully build our family.  We have found a hard time finding a place to connect and like many others often feel alone on this journey.

I know there are other fringe groups, but I can't speak for them. Still, I have a new motto:

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

15 comments:

  1. Funny enough, I've never relaly known where - or whether - I fit in IF either. We're unexplained, and we only briefly dabbled in treatments before I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. I wonder if IF is something that makes us all feel like we're somewhere on the fringes?

    Thank you for the lovely comment on my blog. I'm not often thanked, though of course I don't do my job for that reason. But it's nice to hear it every once in awhile all the same :)

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  2. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I think this is such a good quote. It doesn't matter where you are in the journey, it doesn't do much good to compare pain. I've heard people write about the importance of avoiding "the Pain Olympics." And I really agree about that.
    I'm so sorry for your losses and I'm hoping you won't have to experience another. I also hope you feel welcome and supported in the IF community, even if you feel on the fringes. Feeling unable to have any control over your body is a very, very difficult struggle no matter the specifics of the journey.

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  3. I feel like I'm on the fringes too because I don't fit into a neat box of treatment path. I'm not doing IUI, I'm not doing IVF, or adopting, or using donor eggs or sperm, etc, etc. I think I feel fringy when on websites like Resolve, where other options aren't always mentioned. (I wrote about it in my blogger challenge for NIAW last year.) BUT I have found an amazing group of ladies online who don't care what I am, they are just there.

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  4. Well said...thanks for putting into words what I often think!

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  5. i've struggled with where i fit in in this community, too. i struggle to get pregnant, struggle to stay pregnant, and now i have a child that i wasn't able to carry myself. am i still in the infertile category? i certainly don't feel like i've graduated from it. i guess people like us are unique. you can't put a label on us, because no two stories are exactly the same and ours are definitely on the fringe, as you put it. and that's a great motto! i'm going to have to steal it from you. ;)

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  6. It's hard when you don't feel you fit anywhere. Good to point out as well. I truly hope you have a healthy pregnancy all the way and beyond this time around, too much heartbreak already.

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  7. I like the 'Be kind' message you have here. So true.

    Hoping for positive outcome for you this time around!


    #24

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  8. I love that quote at the end of your post, it's so so true. Best wishes on your journey. Infertility sucks :(

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  9. Hello from ICLW! Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving the kind words. I just wanted to say thanks for posting this about the "fringes". You are so very right, infertility affects people in many different ways, and it's not all what common folk assume. I am sorry for your struggles and losses. I hope you get your miracle soon. Best wishes to you.

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  10. Great post. So many diagnosis fit into the category of infertility and I can see where some might feel on the fringes. You might have even been told you're not infertile because you get pregnant easily. That's hurtful. We are all in this together and every struggle is difficult. We have all been through so much. Your motto acknowledges that.

    ICLW

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  11. I think of the infertility community more as a diaspora ... and I'm probably on the fringe like you, since I was only diagnosed with secondary infertility, after RPL and then, finally, not being able to get pregnant. My ob/gyn actually said she didn't want to deal with me because I was too high risk.

    We need each other ... because we are, sometimes, all we have. Thank you for reminding us (and for your comment on my post, too!).

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  12. Great post, we are all struggling with different things, but each journey has its own pain.

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  13. Hello from ICLW. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I once heard someone say, "Your broken back doesn't make my broken legs hurt any less." I think this applies in so many situations.

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