Wednesday, May 16, 2012
On OB's and Doppler
If I wasn't sure about my OB, which I was pretty sure I was, last night sealed the deal. On Monday my husband dropped off some forms that required the doctors signature in an attempt to retrieve some of the money back from our cancelled prepaid vacation. I have an appointment Friday, but I wanted to make sure the doctor had time to review them because I've heard that check up appointments tend to be shorter and sometimes a little rushed. I received an unknown local call last night and I was fairly confident it would be the Liberty Mutual girl again making sure I was happy with my insurance, but I answered anyway. It wasn't, it was my doctor. Calling to check in with me and discuss the forms because he didn't want me to worry about it. My jaw just about broke off my face. My last OB wouldn't even return my calls when I was bleeding and desperately wanting help. If I was lucky I would get a flustered nurse who would first say 'that's normal' and after some adamant disagreement from me 'well, I'll let the doctor know and you can discuss it at your next appointment in 3 weeks'. I felt so relieved. I won't say everything is perfect at their office (when I called for their fax number today the spazy front desk girl who frustrated me so much at my first appointment left me on hold for almost 10 minutes...) but I feel like I'm in the right place and I feel so lucky. In other news, at the end of last week the Doppler I ordered arrived. It seems to work fine. I've found the heartbeat both times I've tried (at least I'm fairly certain I did, unless there's another thing emitting a regular pulse at 150 bpm in there). I expected to feel elated and relaxed afterwards, but I didn't. Maybe it's because I wasn't one hundred percent sure it was working since the hb was 171 at our last appointment, but I don't know. I did find it a bit frustrating (lots of odd sounds and crackles and it's difficult to maintain the spot where the heart is beating) and for some reason it just didn't bring me the peace and comfort I was expecting. I can't explain it. I was so sure it would be this huge thing for me, and then it just... wasn't. My husband and I have talked a lot about needing to listen to my body. It has an unfortunately good record of letting me know when things aren't right. The problem with that is that when I spend too much time trying to listen to my body, I think I cloud the air waves and I stress myself out. "Am I feeling bad? What am I feeling? What's happening?" Right now I feel like I'm flying on autopilot, the airwaves seem relatively clear and I'm not getting any mayday calls, so maybe that's bringing me more peace than a slightly ambiguous flashing heart and swishing sound can. I'm going to hang on to it (the Doppler) for now, and I imagine in a rough spot it may be a huge help, especially with my last weekly appointment being Friday. We'll see.